Thursday, November 24, 2011

Ch-Ch-Changes

Soooo….. It’s been a while. I've been fairly preoccopied the last.... 6 months. REALLY?!?!?!? Yes, my head has been anywhere but on self-expression. So much so that I just left my precious blog to be left unloved for so long. I've even had multiple requests for posts...but wouldn't you know it; making time for such activities has been extremely low on the old priority list.

Life has been full of transition this last half of 2011. Change is good, and change is not so good….but in the end, change is change.  From my perspective, it is the only one and true certainty in this life.   As I get older, I realize that how I respond to change, has even changed.  I am gradually becoming acclimated but it hasn’t been as slick a transition as I thought I was capable of.   
We have officially moved into our new home. (5 and a half months ago) Huzzah! I didn’t think that we would find somewhere to live, let alone love it and be in such a great location. We are blessed.  Although, nothing in this world seems to come easily to us which makes me appreciate our new life even more.
Taking all this into account....and as grateful as I am for what we do have (roof over our heads, dece jobs, and parents that are  ridiculously loving and supportive of us  both), I can’t say I really comprehended that we’d be encountering enough change to choke a horse; nor did I really prepare myself for what all this change meant. Heck, I was just happy to be leaving the west coast. Let’s see.....  I moved to a new city, I have a new ‘marital status’ (ok, we’re living to together, but not quite common law yet....stupid Alberta laws), I have a new job, a steep learning curve, and no close friends here. (Sorry, Cath – you rock, but we've seen each other ONCE in 5 months!!) We honestly moved one day and I started work the next. So much seemed to have happened all at once.  I was crazy overwhelmed, and didn’t fully understand what was happening to me at the time. I think I was in a perpetual state of misery for the first month we were here….Ok two.

All of this change reminded me of when I was 24: I had just graduated from university and moved to New Zealand for a year and didn’t know a soul there before I left.  From what I remember, I didn’t seem to care. I was pumped about learning a new culture, exploring a new city, doing a super cool internsthip and doing it all by myself.Of course, I was worried about the plane crashing and all sorts of other normal things I spazz out about, like the dogs finding a stash of drugs that some sketch-bag put in in my bag when I wasn't looking and I end up in a jail like Brokedown Palace.....  But for some reason, being alone in a new place  and having a craptacular paying internship didn't seem to register; nor would the adjustments that would accompany such a big transition. Fast-forward to 31-year old Racquel and WOW…..I am such a baby.


Suffice it to say, now that it's November I've become more accustomed to this new lifestyle...or at least gotten less bitter about how misery-filled the life of an articling student really is; and also being the girlfriend of an articling student has taken some adjusting and is difficult at times. (Oh that's right...we're both in the same boat....twice the misery, twice the fun).  I now...sort of... am seeing some glimpses of reprieve from the constant anxiety attacks, bouts of self-loathing, crying fits and massive cases of the grumpies.  The bf... honestly should be sainted after this year. I really am a B#&@h in heels sometimes and he just still shows me patience and compassion....and the odd laugh at my misery's expense.
spazzing out at firm photos

Before the beginning of this new chapter I know that I was super jazzed about blogging... Then my will to live was crushed somewhere around August, so expressing disturbing thoughts about contracting some horrific flesh-eating disease so I could call in sick for a few weeks/months probably wasn't healthy, nor was it something I was all that into admitting to the masses --- or the six of you that read my blog.  Time for meds, you think??   In any event, I've been keeping up with some of my friends' blogs as of late (read: as of today), which has slowly inspired this little brown girl to give it another go.  I loved reading about what was happening in their lives...both entertaining and moving...... and realized...hold the phone....I am also living a life!! (contray to what I might think some days). I am still me and I still love what I loved  to do before, so why not put it out there...the good, the bad, and the mildly deranged/ depressive/ inappropriate / whack-a-doo account of what the buzz in my life is.  So back by, (somewhat but not really) popular demand,  I'll give this another rip.  Stay tuned :)


1 comment:

  1. Yay! I'm glad you are coming through the fog (a little, I get it). We underestimate how hard change can be, especially when it's hard. See how smart I am? I felt some of those same things just starting school, and am scared I may experience them again soon - we'll see. Yay, again (for the post, that is).

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